It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.....

My how things have changed!  On April 18^th, the 6^th anniversary of our arriving in Florida, I started writing this post to my blog. I have been busy and distracted and figured I would finish it up this weekend since we have three days off for Memorial Day.  Guess now is really as good a time as any!  In the beginning it was to be about our move to Florida from Alabama and a personal list of all the things I missed about Alabama and all the things I would miss about Florida whenever I left!  We always felt we would one day return to Alabama, maybe retire there or eventually we suspected BASS would relocate from Florida to Alabama. WELL, this past week the “eventually” became the “right now” and we are headed back to live and work in Alabama in FIVE MONTHS!!!!  Yes, that’s right, five months!  I said I was ambivalent and I am but let’s add to that fearful, worried and panicked along with excited and nervous. Those emotions take up about 20% of what I am feeling right now!  The other 80% is taken up by sadness…..sadness to be leaving my family here, especially Addy and Annie!  When I think if leaving them here I can actually feel my heart tearing into and I don’t know how if this lump in my throat will ever go away!  Please God don’t let me spend the next five months crying the ‘ugly cry’!!  Please help me be strong and dignified, please!

 

We came down here to have an adventure; that was what we called it anyway.  But right before Mamma died she asked me why I had to move to ‘God-forsaken Orlando’!  What do you say to your dying Mother you moved away from, to Florida, two months before she was diagnosed with terminal cancer?  I vowed to tell her the truth and I did!  I told her there were three reasons (1) I had prayed about it and I felt peaceful knowing this was where God wanted me (2) I felt it was an opportunity for us to become better prepared financially for retirement and (3) and most important….it was our chance to offer Chip the opportunity to make a new life, if he wanted it, and to meet the woman God has chosen for him.  At this point, my Mamma – God Bless her said “Your grandchildren will probably be Spanish”!

  

Riding to work the other morning I was trying to put a positive spin on our new circumstances and I recited these three reasons over to myself and kept asking why now? As clear as anything I ever intended to think on my own, this thought just drifted into my head – “Your mission is accomplished”!   Did my heart stop breaking? No!  Is the lump in my throat gone? No!  Will I stop tearing up every time I dwell on leaving the babies? No!  But, I had to put the thought into context with the reasons for it to make more sense.  Do I believe God wanted me in Florida? Yes! Am I better prepared for retirement? Yes!  Has Chip made a new life for himself and met the woman God chose for him?  A resounding YES!   People who knew Chip from his past would not recognize this man, this husband, this Father! That is why we came to Florida and from our ‘adventure’ grew a family! How blessed we are!

Due to the seemingly permanent lump in my throat, I have promised myself to think of the positives!  Whether Montgomery or Birmingham I will be much closer to Rachael and my Georgia babies!  As Rachael put it she will be close enough to come for Sunday dinner if she wants!  Growing up I always believed that families should never be so far away from each other they can’t have Sunday dinner together if they choose!  Being close to Rachael is the best consolation!

Montgomery or Birmingham; how will I feel without any of my grandchildren being in the immediate area? Ship without a sail, dog without a bone?  Originally when I started writing this I was using a quote from Dickens “A Tale of Two Cities”.   Never have words so profoundly fit a situation as my last six years and going forward!  I will include it at the bottom of this post because I can relate to it all!

Rachael said it best the other day, “It’s all part of the plan”.  Gotta be honest, right now I am wallowing in the negative but sometimes you have to do that.  The positive will come, I know it will and just like everything else that happens, I will be ready!

Thanks for listening, keep us in your prayers. I think I will be posting more often during the next few months to maybe help keep the edge off a little and minimize the lump in my throat

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way – in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.”

- A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens

I HATE ODD NUMBERS......

Considering that two days ago I turned 59 I would be remiss if I didn't at least share some thoughts on getting older. You know odd numbered events are not generally "over-celebrated" by adults. Ever heard of a surprise, I don't know, 59th birthday or maybe a big gala for a couple's 31st wedding anniversary!  Already some of you know-it-alls (and you know who you are) are asking about Christmas on the 25th and Halloween on the 31st.  I am not talking about national events, I am talking about personal events.  The first big 'odd' number birthday we tend to celebrate with flourish is when we turn 13! We are no longer children and I can look back now and at 13, I thought I knew it all!  Seriously?

Over the last few years so many things have happened in my life that have proven to me, without a doubt, there really is a circle of life; it's where you are on the arc that is significant.  Obviously, I am at the top of the slippery slope.  But look what it took to get here! From the bottom of the arc I have climbed, made my way to the top and I am now just heading in a new direction, back to where I began!  On the journey I like to think I have used what I learned from my struggles wisely, that I have taken what I have learned from other's struggles as a precautionary measure to proceed carefully.  Every time I start thinking about this whole thing I can almost hear that song from "The Lion King" in my head!!  To make it short and sweet we (folks my age) are passing the torch on to those who follow behind us!

I watch my children with their children and I remember the absolute joys they are experiencing along with the struggles they are facing.  Even though they are not aware they are slowly climbing and each step and misstep leaves a mark, a footprint for those who will follow them.  It is a daunting task and one can only hope the footprints are clear enough to see and deep enough to step into.

So, what is my reward for the climb? They are too many to name and I can only hope what I leave behind for them will be something they can treasure.  It is true what they say about the true measure of a person because when you are gone it is reality you leave behind not impressions.  A perfect example is my Mamma.  She taught 5yr old children in Sunday School for over 50 years!  One wish she had at the end was to have some of these 'children' be pall bearers at her service!  With each phone call I got a resounding "Absolutely, I would be honored"!  So my Mamma made her final journey on earth being carried by six men, all different ages, that knew the true measure of the woman she was.  She taught them for one year and her influence on them lasted a lifetime.  This is the most we can strive for, not how much money we leave, not just the memories but the things we etch into the lives of those around us.

To that end, I think I have a couple more arcs to conquer before I can follow in my Mamma's footsteps but each day something I do, or say, or think is part of what she gave to me.  That should be the ultimate goal for each of us. While we are living, live well and when we leave, leave well!

Would I like to go back to my 20's, 30's even 40's?  Hmmm - NOPE!  I would like to feel like I did then but there is comfort in being where I am.  When you are younger sometimes it's hard to figure out where you are going, how you need to be, the path you need to take -- when you are my age -- it's a nice slow-paced walk to those things and I really like that part of this age, ODD number or not.  As I sit here right now my greatest hope and wish for my 60th (even #) birthday in 2012 (even #) is that I am here and I can celebrate!!

****** RACHAEL *******

Memories are funny things! Some disappear completely, some fade and become so faint they are only remnants to grab and hold on to but some are indelibly burned into our minds and hearts!  It is those memories that when recalled transport you to the very moment when the memory was in the making.  You can remember sounds, smells, the temperature and especially the emotions.  It's the equivalent of total recall and it can be a wonderful thing! The day Rachael was born is one of those total recall days for me and tomorrow morning at 7:32 am, I can relive it all - 30 years later!  Yes, Rachael will be 30 years old tomorrow and I am as shocked as you are!

On midnight the night before she was born I woke up in labor, it was 14 degrees outside, we were an hour from the hospital, had a volkswagon as our only transportation and my pains were five minutes apart! By the time we called the hospital, threw our stuff in the car, I brushed my teeth and layered on clothes for the trip, my pains were one minute apart and coming hard!!  You would think I would be freaking out but it's really hard to do that when you are in so much pain you are incapable of opening your mouth! We made it, in plenty of time, and we spent the remainder of the night medicated, still having pains one minute apart, and waiting for that epidural everyone was always talking about.  Back then you had to be 8cm before they would do that - I never made it.  Some time early in the morning the umbilical cord got between Rachael's head and my pelvic bone and each time I had a contraction, which was still every minute, her oxygen would be cut off.  At 7:00 that morning they told us what was happening, that she was in distress and I would have to have a c-section!  Fine with me, I was already petrified anyway and had been for nine months!  For those who don't know my history Rachael was my fifth pregnancy; after four miscarriages and a stillbirth, there was never a moment when I was not waiting for the door to open and heartbreak to walk in and take over!

When my doctor woke me up after the surgery and told me she was fine I can still remember the feeling I had, in fact, I have that same feeling as I write this - I was overcome with joy, peace and relief!  I will NEVER forget the first time I laid eyes on her!  I cried and cried and cried and I am crying now as I write this so let's move on!! Shortly after I got to my room I couldn't believe how much pain I was in when a nurse came in and brought Rachael for me to feed.  When I told her I didn't think I could because of the pain, she turned and started to leave the room!  I asked her if I could just keep her with me for a while and she laid Rachael in my arms. There are no words to describe what I felt!  I just knew that I was looking into the sweet face of a miracle and I was so blessed I could physically feel it!  For the first time in my life I knew what it meant to love unconditionally and without reserve and today that is still the way I love Rachael - unconditionally and without reserve!

Rachael grew up and became my compliant child. In 12 years I never had a teacher that didn't tell me they wished they had a classroom full of kids just like her! Don't get me wrong, I said she was compliant, I didn't say she was perfect. Her Daddy always told her she was perfect until she told him tearfully, when she was a teenager, that she was NOT perfect and she couldn't live up to his expectations!  Truth be known it was Rachael's expectations of herself that were the hardest to deal with! Once she set her mind to something if it didn't work out the way she thought it was supposed to, if she fell through the cracks somehow, if she fell short of her goals, she was crushed. She would fight her way through the initial pain and then she would resolve to find a way to get what she wanted!  In junior high school she was so shy but she had a wonderful circle of friends who helped her break that shell. When she was a freshman in high school she was nominated as one of the contestants in the annual Beauty and Beau contest. The pageant was wonderful and her close friends were in the pageant, too, so it was easier for her to spotlight herself that way.  She was in the pageant every year through graduation and not only that pageant but she actually entered several other pageants to my disbelief! I have always believed it was simply because she knew if she put herself out there it would help her overcome some of her shyness and she was right!

I remember when she was packing to go away to Auburn; I was so excited for her even though I knew I was going to miss her and our relationship would be forever changed.  She was packing boxes and cleaning our her closet, taking everything, even her school yearbooks. I reminded her that we had a lot more space at home than she had in her apartment and she could box some things up and leave them with us.  She looked at me with an expression that clearly screamed, "Poor Mom, she just doesn't get it" and she said, "Mom, when I leave here tomorrow for Auburn I won't be coming back to live only to visit"!  That was something I had never considered but she was right!  She went to Auburn , met the man of her dreams, graduated, moved to Georgia, started teaching and got married two months later.  Her wedding day is another 'total recall' day for me and this is my favorite picture of her made that day!

After we moved to Florida Rachael flew here to spend her winter break with us and she brought me an extra birthday present.  It turned out to be a sonogram picture of my precious grandson Carson!  She had the picture perfect pregnancy, kept a complete photo journal on a website so we could all share in Carson's journey and felt great the entire time!  He was born in September of 2006 and my baby became a Mom!!  The second time around her pregnancy was a lot more difficult, she was away from her family and felt it deeper than she had with Carson so it was hard for her.  I just wanted to hold her and have her sit with me so I could tell her it would be okay but she made the best of it and in March 2009 we were blessed with beautiful Mary Claire!  Rachael is probably the only person I know whose pregnancies actually depict the personality of her children.  Calm, uneventful pregnancy with Carson and he is her "go with the flow" child!  Stressful pregnancy with Mary Claire and the only flow she goes with is HERS! I always say she is uniquely unique!  She is the Yin to Carson's Yang!  Carson cries when he is distressed, sick or gets badly hurt!  Mary Claire cries because the dog walked by her!   Rachael is a wonderful Mom and it does my heart good just to watch her operate in that capacity!  She is efficient, organized and above all else, she and her children are color-coordinated!!

Simply put, Rachael is everything I always wanted to be!  She is the woman I admire the most of all the women I know! She has wonderful friends because she is a wonderful friend, she is a great Mom because she puts all she has into it, she is the perfect wife because she knows that compromise makes a marriage work.  I have never had the privilege of observing Rachael teach but listening to her talk about the kids she teaches and knowing they are her heart, I don't have to observe her to know she is good at what she does! But just like we all know, those people who seem to have it all, seem to have it all together and seem to fall on their feet regardless of the situation, they are the ones who fall the hardest and who feel the most pain!  Rachael knows when she has those times, I am there for her and that she can talk to me about the things you can't share with anyone, except someone who loves you simply because you are YOU!

So Rachael - here's to you sweetheart!  I salute you for all you are!!!  You should be proud of your accomplishments, proud of the life you have made for yourself, proud that you are a loving wife and a wonderful Mother!  Be proud of the goals that you have achieved and know that God shines on those who walk in His favor as I know you do! It gives me peace to know that when I need that one person to talk to, share with or to cry with - I know I can count on you and I thank you for that!!

Happy BIRTHDAY!!!    I love you to the moon and back...........MOM!!

Carson and Mary Claire!!                                                        

Welcome to the future! Really?

Maybe I am just being nostalgic today but I am being dragged into the 'electronic age' so I need to face a new reality!  Isn't it wonderful what the new smart phones can do? Isn't it a just little creepy? When I was a pre-teen the greatest feature of our phone was the party line!!  Yep, shared phone lines, not with your family but with your neighbors, and I loved it!! When I could find time with no one around, which wasn't easy with a stay at home Mom, two brothers and a sister, I perfected the art of EAVESDROPPING!!  It was awesome!  I heard some of the most interesting conversations and never got caught, in a manner of speaking!  I was privy to several conversations with our neighbor and her "boyfriend", something her husband and children had a problem with!  My Mamma was so mad at me when I told her, or at least she pretended to be, but I am sure she couldn't wait to get with all the women in our neighborhood and share the latest gossip! I have a cell phone that is so far back in time I am not sure my grandchildren know what it is!  Chip and Garrison have the EVO and one night from Chili's Chip programmed his DVR to tape a program for him!  Say what? It will show cloud cover in your specific area, store your every thought and have dinner waiting on the table when you get home from work! I want one but what would I do with it? Seriously I don't want to be the only person so technically retarded I am too stupid to benefit from a smart phone!!  Imagine holding in your hand something that could literally change your every day life; take you places by giving you directions, let you look up recipes at the grocery store so you can shop intelligently, let you watch movies, television shows and videos of your grandchildren, anywhere, anytime!  In case you didn't notice it should be extremely clear to see how un-techno savvy I am just by the fact this is all I know about smart phones!  I still want one but I am afraid I would just continue to use it like a regular cell phone!! But to be honest, it's more than just phones!  It's everything, even BOOKS!  Now people are snuggling up with electronic readers!!  How cozy is that?  If I ever, and I don't think I would, I would never have one because I think it takes all the love of reading!  I love the books I read, when I am done reading one I will actually be sad to leave the lives of the characters and their adventures!  Books should evoke a feeling of contentment, an excitement to turn each page to see what's next, a sentimental attitude toward the storyline and the characters involved; can you get that with a reader?  Someone told me once that  the only books in the library in heaven are the books you gave away!!  I am going to have to think about that one!! A situation happened just the other night and for the absolute life of me I have not figured it out yet. Chuck and I went to dinner at Bonefish last week and shortly after we got there a family came in, Mom, Dad and little boy around 6 or 8.  They sat down and immediately after scanning the menu, the parents, each of them, brought out an electronic reader, complete with reading light, and commenced to READ and I mean seriously read!  The little boy went back and forth under the table sitting by the Mom, crossing over sitting by the Dad and all the while they continued to read.  When the waiter came over, they slanted their readers down to respond to him as if he was taking them from some secret-agent spy stuff that was going to help them save the world!!  All the while the little boy is crossing over, playing with the toy and neither of his parents said a word to him!  They just continued to read!  What's your take on this? Maybe they were in a reading competition, maybe they were reading legal documents so they could respond to something legally time sensitive or maybe they were just rude and self-centered!! When I was growing up we ate dinner at the table together, when my children were growing up we ate dinner at the table together, even when Chuck was out of town, the kids and I had dinner at the table together!  Going out to eat at a restaurant was a treat, a special time to relax and be together.  Those parents, while getting more learned (maybe), were missing out on the most valuable education ever; the opportunity to learn about their child! The chance to listen to him about his life and his day and what was happening in his little world!  There was no sharing going on at that family dinner except to share with their little boy that he was just a necessary evil while the readers were front and center. It's the same everywhere! You can't have dinner out without someone's cell phone ringing incessantly, you can't get anyone'stexting or checking their facebook! The future?  It's a Norman Rockwell type painting of a family spending quality time at the dinner table, only it's not people, it's electronic gadgets!!!  Do I really want the EVO?

Happy New Year?

Well it's here! That day when everyone straps on the good intentions and forges into the new year.  I think this should be called New Clean Slate Day but then I am reminded that every morning when our eyelids open and erase all that was yesterday we are facing another new Clean Slate Day!! Every morning is an opportunity to have a do-over, to try one more time to accomplish, to stop, to try, try again those things that we want.  You know what I want? I want to stop thinking that it is mandatory to have a spotless house and a life in order because we all know unless you live alone that is impossible.  Unless, of course, you are Super Woman and can leap tall piles of laundry in a single bound or you are married to a Rockerfellow!  The problem with me is this: if I can't do it perfectly perfect I will avoid it all together in turn creating more and more chaos and feeling more and more inadequate!! Once I posted on facebook that if you were a person who had a spotless house, your bills were scheduled or paid, your landscaping was impeccable, your pantry was full and your life was running like a well-oiled machine that I hated you!  Truth is I hate you because I am not you!  I don't even think you are real!  You're like a Stepford freak!  Okay, now that's out of the way.

While it would be great to have all those things and revel in them who ever told us our lives had to be that way to be happy!  You know who I admire? Those people whose LIFE takes precedent over their household chores!! I am almost 60 years old and to this day if I had get up on a Saturday morning and go shopping without making my bed and cleaning the kitchen first, I would be miserable all day!!! WHY???? Who cares??  ME, that's who!! Ask Chip & Rachael what I did every weekend of their lives when they were growing up? I cleaned and did laundry and ran errands! It took me years to figure out that I cleaned because,  like those crazy people who try and convince you that exercise makes you feel good, it was something I could (1) control (2) complete and (3) not be judged for. It was 'a good thing' and it was safe!!  No exposure to anything that might be out of my comfort zone, no trying to compete to be the Mom of the Year, Wife of the Year, and so on!! Now I don't want to be that person and today I sit here, again at the computer in my pajamas, and I am convinced that all those weekends since I have been out of my parents house, since I was 18, could have been better spent!  How many weekend jaunts did I miss, how many shopping trips with Rachael, how many movies with Chip, how many romantic dinners with Chuck because I was too busy cleaning!! Does it matter now? Damn straight it does, it matters to me! I wish I could go back and change all that, not that I believe my kids ever wanted for anything but I would like to have been a different Mom, somewhere between June Cleaver and not Rosanne Barr, a more focused Mom, one who didn't think her validity came from having a clean and orderly home!  A fun Mom!!


I know some of you will find it hard to believe but it is hard to change your NATURE - you can change your habits, you can change your attitude but you really can't change your nature. It's that old nature versus nurture thing!!  Nature will get you every time like the snake who bit the woman who nursed him back to life! I mean she knew he was a snake all along, right? Yet, like me, she was still shocked.


So here is my promise to my children, my precious grandchildren, my husband, my friends and my family!! I promise to always try to do the best I can and I promise you I will always fall short of my perfect goal! I promise to be more focused on people and less focused on issues! I promise to love you all with all my heart and I won't fall short there!!  I promise to try and be more spontaneous - but I will need to clean up before I do.

It's all about ME!

So much for my 2010 resolution to blog regularly! Today is my first post since May 2010 when I finished the Story of Carson. Now the time has come to make new resolutions!! This year I have realized that it's not in the "making" of the resolution but in the "practicing" of the resolution where I will find the small pieces of myself currently scattered all about!! You feel the same and don't tell me you don't! We spend our lives trying to GET THERE and most of the time we are not really sure where we are going. It is extremely sobering to wake up, take a long look at yourself and realize that in one year you will be 60!! OMG!!! I can't believe it and I used to think 60 represented one of two things, social security and or death! Since most of my friends are in their late 50's and early 60's I have chosen to believe we are living proof that 60 is the new 40!!! LOL!!!!!

Anyway, I will blog this year because I feel the need to talk to myself through all of you! Today I want to discuss something that I noticed this Christmas ---- where was the SPIRIT?? Beginning with Chip & Jeanne's party in November, Chuck and I have logged almost 3,000 miles traveling to and from Alabama for the holidays!! Please show me in the "family handbook" where it says that if you are the one who moves, the burden of travel falls on you! Needless to say with all the changes and work related stress, the fact that I was sick with bronchitis the weekend I had designated to shop and decorate and facing more travel, this Christmas I was the proverbial GRINCH! Well, that's a stretch, more likely I could have given GRINCH lessons!!

Once I realized there was no way I had the energy to decorate anything, house, tree, nothing, I resigned myself to having a less than stellar holiday season! The tree was up, pre-lit, so at least it didn't look like a big fir sitting in the front room! For a week boxes and boxes of decorations sat in the dining room, unopened! The bad part is I did not care if the tree ever had decorations, I didn't care if Chuck took it down and boxed it up, I just wanted the whole thing to be over!! You know your holiday is not going to live up to your expectations when you go to buy your annual Santa, choose an Irish Santa complete with pot of gold and beautiful green eyes and he falls over in the back of your car and breaks his neck! What can I say!! From now until eternity when I get that Santa out I will be checking to make sure the gorilla glue is still holding! You know what they say, Murphy's Law --- well, my Mother's maiden name was Murphy - 'nuff said!

So I scurried through the annual Cookie Swap, I shopped when I had to for the next upcoming event, I cooked in Alabama, I cooked in Tampa and everything I did just became a steady routine of 'have to". The upside of Christmas Bah-Humbug 2010 was spending time with my friends and family, especially having all my grandchildren together in Alabama -- that was wonderful ---- finished off the holiday with a stomach virus one of the kids passed around!!! YAY! The morning after Christmas Chuck took down the tree and put it and all the boxes of decorations away and we chalked up another holiday! Chip did come over one day when he was off, out of the goodness of his heart, and he man-decorated the tree, red balls, green balls, gold balls, all the same size! It was beautiful!

Now I sit here at 11:58 in the morning on New Year's Eve in my pajamas, working at the computer instead of doing all the things around here that need doing. It is now that I realize my problem wasn't the holidays, the problem was I simply was not motivated to "do" the holidays because (1) no one was coming to visit, (2) no one was coming for dinner or drinks (3) no one was coming!!! My favorite Christmas since we have moved to Florida (with the exception of December 25, 2008 when Addy was born) was the year Ellen and her family came for a visit and we went to Disney World and I cooked and I decorated and I planned!!! It was awesome, John & Dillie came, Rachael, Wade and Carson came - it was great!! This is what holidays are about!!

This Christmas was truly the first, honest, bittersweet Christmas I have had since we left Alabama. Each year, for as many years as I can remember, my family came from Dothan and spent the entire weekend with us the weekend before Christmas. We called it the "Dothan" Christmas! The cooking, planning, shopping -- I loved all of it! I always thought traditions were forever but we soon find out they are not so we need to treasure them while we can. For those of you who still live within spitting distance of your children and grandchildren --- you may believe you are lucky -- but you probably have no idea how lucky you really, truly are!!

My life began to change when Rachael moved to Georgia, several years later more change when we moved to Florida. 2006 was one of the worst years and best years of my life all rolled into one. How can I embrace this new holiday season without my old traditions? How can I be excited about spending eons of time traveling and still enjoy myself? What are my new traditions ----- that is the issue!! I don't have any!!! I feel like a stranger in my own holiday nightmare! My prayer for Christmas 2011 is to remember everyday between now and then that I am fortunate, I am blessed, I should be (as Paul said) happy in whatever circumstance I am in because I know that God has a plan for me. Sometimes I am impatient for the plan to unfold, sometimes I am haughty and I believe not even He understands how I feel, but I know better!! 2011 is going to be another year of changes for me and I am promising myself and all of you, right here, right now sitting in my pjs, that whatever comes my way this year, I will look for the blessings in it! I will treasure the little things, and the big things and I WILL FIND A WAY TO MAKE MY OWN TRADITIONS!!

I guess everyone has to have a GRINCH Christmas sometime to help us gain some perspective into how we need to move forward!! That is what I am going to do -- move forward!!!

OK - no more drama - I just want all of you to have a wonderful holiday, what remains of it!!! Onward and upward - new motto!! Change - my best friend ---- traditions on the way!!

P.S. This year for Christmas Chuck bought me something I have wanted for years ---- a RED KitchenAid Artisan Stand Mixer with an Ice Cream Maker attachment!! The attachment made it in tact - the mixer turned out to be an electric 4-wheel Kawasaki bike for a little boy!! I might take my Irish Santa for a ride later - I'll just be sure to take the gorilla glue!!! LOVE ---- ME!

 

Isn't this the Sweetest Pea you have ever seen!  Even then, at one week old, we had absolutely no clue how much joy this precious boy would bring into our lives! But this is just the beginning and we have a lot of story left to get to where we are today! 

Carson was born September 14, 2006 weighing 6 lbs 12 oz and was 18" tall. After a 3:00 am phone call from Rachael, Chip & I headed out for the seven hour drive to Georgia and then we waited - and waited - and waited!  We even had enough time to have Chuck flown in from a tournament and we still waited! FINALLY, Carson made his entrance and my whole life changed at that very moment!  

If the truth were told, my whole life had really changed 11 days before Carson was born when my sweet Mamma died and left us all wondering what in the world we were going to do!  One of my favorite songs by Sugarland is a song called "Hello" and it's about how no goodbye is ever really final, it's just a hello to a new place or time.  The song speaks of a 'sweet September wind' and how 'in the moment when one thing ends, is the same time that one begins' so with the September wind of 2006 I said goodbye to my Mamma and hello to the gift God sent to heal me! And he has not disappointed me!

A friend once told me that we are not designed to take on the greatest sadness and the greatest joy in our lives at the same time!  But God is good and with Carson, the journey has been a gentler one for me.  In fact, it was during the first week of Carson's life that I had a "visit" from my Mother! For all you folks who don't believe that those who leave us find ways to let us know they’re okay, we will call it a dream!  I was in Carson's nursery just holding him and rocking him and we both fell asleep.  I remember after the 'dream', I woke up and the first thing I saw was Carson's sweet face and I was so overwhelmed with tenderness for him and I knew at that moment my Mamma was okay and I was going to be okay. It was a bittersweet time because I wanted her to live long enough to meet him but I like to believe that Mamma and Carson spent a lifetime together in the 11 days that passed between her goodbye and his hello! 

And so his story goes until today when he is headed toward his third birthday!  He has been on more vacations in nearly three years than I have in my lifetime, including his first airplane ride to Orlando when he was only five months old! He is a regular beach bum when he visits Gulf Shores, he has been to Vero Beach, Florida , to Tennessee, to Stone Mountain, the Aquarium, the Pumpkin Patch and is the only kid I know who had been to Disney World three times before his second birthday!  You can’t imagine how excited we are about his visit this year for our trip to Disney. It will be the first time he is aware of what it’s all about and is anxiously waiting and constantly asking, “When we go to Didney cassel?”  “See Mickey & Goofy?”  It’s going to be awesome!!!

Carson has been calling me Nandee since he starting learning to talk and trust me, the fact that he is only learning to talk does not prevent him from chattering incessantly!  Sometimes we know what he is saying and sometimes we have no idea but he knows and that’s what matters.  His quirky way putting things keeps me in stitches, for example, he uses ‘my’ instead of ‘I’. “My mad, my hungry, My got boo-boo”! Rachael and Wade say they will be sad when starts to use “I” and I am right there with them.  For a while when he wanted you to pick him up, he would say “Hold you”!  It would melt your heart when he would hold on to my leg and say “Hold you Nandee”!  As his speech progresses, I want to always remember his little boy language like putting money in his “tiggy bank”, or he wants to play on the ‘pooter’ (computer), which is our activity we do when we are together! 

Before his first birthday, Carson had 17 teeth!  I think he was born teething.  I lost count of the ear infections but this February he had tubes and it has made all the difference.  At the hospital after the procedure he would hold his hands over his ears and say “Too woud, it’s too woud”!  But like every other childhood annoyance, colds, viruses, allergies, he never lets them get him down. He has two speeds, off and wide open.

When he was learning to walk, he never walked around anything, not a toy, not a piece of furniture, not a dog, nothing!  That is how he does everything, forges ahead and deals with the obstacles as they come along.

A totally social child, Carson is never intimidated to meet others and will often introduce himself to total strangers, “My Cahson”!  As long as he is doing the introductions its fine but Carson is not one who immediately loves, he is cautious and wary until he knows who you are and what relevance you have in his life!  He introduces himself to everyone because while he may not love everyone at first sight, he wants to be sure everyone loves him at first sight!  I appreciate that confidence in him and worry less about him than I would a child who falls madly in love with every person they meet!

Carson loves “The Backyardigans”, “Playhouse Disney”, “Poo”, “Tigger”, “Handy Manny”, “Dora” & “Diego” but most children grow up with these characters!  He is the only 2 year old I have EVER known who can sit perfectly still at the movies during a full length feature presentation and get upset when the credits roll!  He loves Madagascar, Bolt, Cars and most Disney movies.  He loves “moobies” and has an extensive collection of DVDs!

Of all the things Carson loves, he LOVES sports the most, all sports, but especially baseball!  He shares that love with his Daddy! It took him forever to learn his colors but he could tell you which ball belonged to which sport before he was 2!  He loves to play baseball, talk baseball, watch baseball, you name it.  They just recently fenced in their yard and Carson’s Dad is making him a miniature baseball diamond, complete with bench, chalk and bases!  A little boy’s paradise!  Whether it’s the Braves, the Biscuits, the Rays or his favorite, his Daddy’s team at South Paulding High School, baseball is Carson’s heaven!

There are so many things about Carson that are just the absolute best, the way he embraces life as if it were specifically designed for him to enjoy!  He doesn’t just love all his favorite things he has a passion for them!  He loves books and stories, he loves outdoors, and he is a seasoned traveler, DVD in hand, loves fishing and his camp house! He loves to cook and help do dishes and he generally doesn’t mind picking up his toys.

On March 30, 2009, Carson’s world was rocked slightly with the birth of his baby sister, Mary Claire. Sorry, ‘Meywee Qwere’! But as with all things, he took it in stride and now is a very protective big brother.  He will tell Rachael, “Her cwyin, go get her”, “be carefah wih her”. But like all first born children, he has chosen his Daddy to be his parent during this transition time demanding that Wade “put her down” whenever he holds Mary Claire!  She is almost two months old and it is obvious Carson already has a heart for her and I know he will always be her protector!

You cannot describe Carson in one word or a million words.  He is so many things both simple and complex. For those he loves, he loves them purely and with everything he has and we are all blessed to be a part of that.  Yes, I am finally getting to the end of this first installment in The Story of Carson but honestly, I could write a few dozen more paragraphs!  

How do I end this chapter in my story?  I end this chapter by saying that my grandson is a wonderful, curious, precocious little boy who thinks his Daddy is a hero, his Mommy is a princess and his baby sister is his!  Whether it’s Jumpin’ Joeys, Jammies for Jesus, Disney World, the Pumpkin Patch, the ocean, a baseball game or a bedtime story, I would bet you Carson believes all those things were made with him in mind and for him to enjoy and he is absolutely right!  He has heart and he has spirit and whether he knows it or not, he is my hero!